Okay, this is something that has been on my heart for quite some time now. It has become blatantly clear to me today.
I was a young woman who was desparate for children. I knew I would be the best mom ever. When after a year, it just wasnt happening, I was devistated. I begged for the labor pains, I begged for the midnight feedings, the colic, the messy house. I begged for everything that came with motherhood. Determined of course that all of that stuff wouldn't stress me out because of my unconditional love for my children.
Six years after the journy of mother started for me, my picture is in the dictionary next to the word "stress". I am tired all the time, the kids throw tantrums, break things, break themselves. I wait and wait for Tyler's naptime, only to last a short while before I have to pick up Angelina from school, and then Ryan. As soon as we open the door, my house has been absolutely destroyed. All the work I had done while they are at school.....undone.
I am a far cry from the mother I had imagined myself being. I think somehow, even though I anticipated and welcomed the ugly sides of motherhood, I assumed God would bless me with perfect children (as if those exist) since I was determined that that is exactly what he wanted for my life...to be a mother.
Instead of being so grateful that I have beautiful children to live in my home, I get upset that they can't keep it clean. Instead of being grateful that when they break something that it was something material instead of one of them, I yell at them for not taking care of our things. When they break themselves, instead of rejoicing that it could have been worse, but wasn't, I get annoyed because now I have to stop what I was doing to tend to them. When they ask every 5 minutes for something to eat, instead of being so thankful that we have food to feed them, and that they desire to be nourished, again, I am annoyed that I have to stop what I was doing.
Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.
I look at families like the Duggars (18 kids and counting). Even though, I think that is crazy, I can't help but be envious. Her joy toward her children. I go to extreme measures to make sure I have no more children. Yet she is overjoyed with each new child. I only have 3 and I complain that I hardly ever get a chance to sit down.
Even now, I am feeling guilty by my convictions that I was just complaining that my children dont have school today and I have a new audio book I am itching to listen to. As I type this, my children are being babysat by Whinnie the Pooh. I should be so excited that I get a whole day to spend with my children.
This subject goes way beyond just our children. How many things in life are we blessed with that we just can't see because we are clouded by Satan's negative thoughts. Leave a comment if you can think of a few. You may open someone else's eyes to the blessings in their lives that they can't see.
Lord, please give me an attitude of gratitude. Not only towards my children, but towards everything in life you bless me with that I dont see for it's blessing!